So I've been stewing a little over the past few days about people taking cheap shots at my kids because I blog about how Dean and I parent them.
The same person that posted about my Michael-Jackson-School-Of-Parenting style, also pointed to a picture of Viola in pull-ups on my Flickr site, insinuating that my 6 year old daughter isn't potty trained. And, well, I guess she isn't because every once in a while she would wet the bed. If she didn't wear pull-ups. But the thing is, Vi has a medical condition - a disorder of deep sleep- which she inherited from me which causes enuresis and night terrors. When I was a kid, my parents used to berate me and torture me over the very frustrating situation of me wetting the bed. As a mom who loves her child, I prefer to put her in pull-ups at night and not make a fuss about it rather than destroy her self-esteem over something which she has absolutely no control. I suppose the fact that I had night terrors as a child AND some serious nightmares which led me to not want to sleep at night, so much so that for about two years when I was seven, eight, maybe even nine years old, the only way I could fall asleep was in my closet with the light on, reading until I was so exhausted I would drift off. I was so terrified of my dreams and waking up scared and alone in the dark, that I didn't want to sleep at night.
I don't know, I just don't want my girls to experience that. So maybe, even though they both have their own beds, I am much more lax than your average parent about letting them sleep with me because I don't want them to go through what I did.
I guess something else I think is interesting is that I NEVER go to other people's blogs and try to tell them how they should raise their kids. What I've always said is that people should do what works for them, their family, their kids. I don't always agree with or understand why people do the things they do, but I'm certainly not running around the internet proclaiming that my way is the baseline for NORMAL. And, of course, when someone comes into my yard and starts throwing rocks at my house, I'm going to get a little defensive.
Part of the reason I keep this blog is so that my girls will have it someday. I want them to understand that even if I pulled some real idiotic parenting maneuvers, I was primarily motivated by love and a desire to do what was best for them. That won't always work out, I know.
I'm also going to keep telling my truth because I think as women, as parents in this society, there are too many lies. We lie to look good, we lie to be right, we lie, lie, lie. The thing is, it's tough enough being a Mommy without everyone pretending that its all perfect and lovely every minute. There are some really perfect and lovely moments, sometimes even long strings of them... but never have I felt more guilt and known more the depth of my own shortcomings since becoming a mother. I'm not buying into the lie anymore and I'm certainly not going to try to sell it to anyone else. Being a good human being and being a good mother is a struggle, but we're all in it together.