My Name is Mommy

Halloween Update.

Dean made it home in time for some trick-or-treating.  He's got the girls out there right now.

There are cadres of teenaged boys without costumes roaming the neighborhood.  No fears I have the alternate tootsie-roll-bowl prepared for the likes of them.  Anyone who comes to my door without a costume on...

I did not get in to the office today.  The Halloween costume turned out not to be work appropriate after all.  Well, not the kinda work I do, at least. 

My little devil and witch are incredibly cute.  As of now, however, I cannot seem to locate a camera in the remodel mess- not a digital one.  I'll try to get a couple shots with my iPhone but looks like I'll be doing it the old-fashioned way tonight- with film. 

Seeing perfectly.

Sorry for the brief absence.  I've been away.  It was a good away.  It did involve a speeding ticket going through Kern County.  The women in my family seem to have an affinity for CHP along a certain stretch of the 5.  He clocked me going 91, which is truly better than the 100+ I hit at various other points in the trip. When he gave me the ticket I gave him a big smile and said, "Wish I could say thanks."  He laughed.  I was speeding.  I got caught.  I can own it(and I will for several hundred dollars and traffic school, I'm sure)  And honestly, I have to say, it's not that I am one of THOSE drivers, just that it's so easy to let the speed in the lexus drift up and the 5 is so wanting to be sped upon anyway, it's a difficult combination to resist.

Liz and I went to visit the greater Los Angeles area.  That's right people, we drove TOWARD the fires.  Going over the grapevine looked like we were driving into the armageddon. The rest of the weekend was hardly an apocalyptic catastrophe, however.  We stayed at the Marriot in Manhattan Beach.  We had asked for adjoining rooms and I made a bit of a fuss when we checked in that they were "over booked" and couldn't even find rooms on the same floor for us. The result was that we got rooms fairly close together on the concierge floor. I was a little worried upon seeing the carpet in the hall, but luckily we were not sleeping in the hall and the rooms had quite comfy squooshy beds. 

After arriving and swinging by the market to pick up wine we had mexican food at Cozymel's and then back to the room for a movie.  We got kicked out of the jacuzzi after Liz hopped the fence to get us in after hours.  We found a fabulous place to go horseback riding in the hills.  Very well maintained with a nice staff and the guide was a comedian.  I rode a cute little arabian with one of those quick, short canters.  The views were incredible. We drank lots of wine.  There was an evening in Hollywood, I think.  I can now extoll the virtues of smartwater.  It went by all too quickly for me.

The great thing about a trip like that is opening yourself up.  Liz and I talked through the entire workings of the universe on the drive down and back.  We were open to letting things happen and they did.  It was an interesting time and then we came home. 

And home is good but sometimes you need to get away to gain a little perspective.

Things.

It's funny the things that strike you, things that make your heart beat fast or your breath catch or your stomach drop.

This morning I woke up at 4:30 am and looked over in the bed next to me at Vi who was sleeping with all of her beautiful dark hair fanned out around her, a little matted on her forehead- must have been sweating in the night a little.  And then I noticed that she'd had a nosebleed- that's not unusual at all and the pillow was covered with blood, also not unusual.  I didn't want to wake her and she's an old hat with the bloody noses so I knew she wouldn't freak out when she did wake up.  Went about my morning business.  Vi and I even had a little soccer drill session in the new dining area this morning. 

Just looked over and realized that Vi had flipped the pillow over.  She must have thought she'd be in trouble for bleeding on the pillow. 

Why do I want to kick something right now?

State of mind.

Okay, I've gotten myself all worked up this morning and I don't really know why.  I drove to San Jose at 6am to look at countertops with the guys working in my kitchen and on the way there I was just feeling incredibly reckless and crazed.  I don't know, too much black tea perhaps?  More like too much sugar in the form of 10 pumps of classic syrup.

I think I better go in to the office today.  That should bring me back down to my anchored, corporate self. 

Last night I went to "Mother's Night" at Ave's school.  She showed me all her 'works'.  I was watching her write her numbers from 1 to 10 and noticed that she makes her 8's differently than I do.  I asked her teacher about that and she said, "We don't correct them, some kids just find a different way." I also watched her squeeze oranges, wash a chair, write in cursive and do number bars.  She showed me how to push in my chair(good to know) and tidy up(uh, why can't she do that at home?).

Now, what kind of an educational philosophy is that?  We all know there is only one RIGHT way to do anything.

Ave is bugging me to go to Starbucks.  *SIGH* My four-year-old Starbucks addict.  What're you going to do?  She's listening to her iPod right now and singing along with High School Musical.  Yes, I downloaded it for her.  Seriously, what am I supposed to do?  If the music moves ya, it does.  When I was Ave's age, I was all about Rhinestone Cowboy and had all the lyrics to 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover memorized.  And I turned out okay. Right?  Right?

Shoe Size.

Liz: I wish we had the same size shoes.

Me: Well, I hope that we'd have your shoe size then.

Liz: Why? How big are your feet?

Me: 11.  Basically what it means is that I can share shoes with the men in my life.

I used to be very self-conscious about my shoe size.  I went to Catholic school and as such I had to wear 'uniform' shoes.  My mom was still a little stuck in the seventies even when I was in third or fourth grade and would buy me famolare shoes- the kind with the big rubber platform (in a fabulous patented wave design):

Trust me when I say that these shoes will not do anything for you other than make your feet look even bigger than they already are which will, in turn, lead all the boys to chase you around calling you "Bigfoot!"

But, those early experiences have shaped my shoe buying habits entirely.

No I like shoes like this:   I mean how could you not after spending your formative years wearing big clunky famolares and saddles shoes and penny loafers? 

Of course, when these came today and I tried them on my sister looked on in amazement and said, "Wow! Those actually make your feet look smaller."  Thanks sis.  Gotta have someone around for the reality check.  They will, I think, go perfectly with my angel costume:

Although, I do appear to be missing the long, angelic blond hair.  It may not play quite the same on me- the frumpy housewife with the bob.

Not to mention the still-bloody eye.

Oh, yeah, and we got a new dog today.  Our mexican day laborers dropped off their chihuahua/something-or-other.  Her name is Jenny but pronounced "Hyenny".  She was so sweet when she curled up on the bed with me but then she got a littke snappish with Viola.  Not quite sure what to do here as I've heard this can be a problem with these small dogs.  Hoping she settles in and then just gets all lovey dovey.  If not, I'll ship her out to Liz's place.  :) Hi Liz.

Back to the costume.  I'm looking at that now thinking, that is going to be way short on me.  That may not be a good look, with my ass hanging out the back and all.  Guess we'll see when it gets here.  Better hurry up.  It's almost time!

Me, an angel, ha!  It does crack me up.

Mmm, but those shoes are yummy.  I think I'm going to wear them everywhere now.  Gold shoes, how cool is that.  They're all sparkly.

Doctor's appt. at 8:45 am tomorrow... fabulous!  Time for bed now. 

Just call me Sally.

Liz and I were chatting this evening and she mentioned that the light today was just so that no matter which direction you looked, you couldn't help but feel a little happier, a little better than usual.  And yes, there was something in the air today.  Post-race euphoria?  It wasn't just me and Liz, is the thing.

BTW, she wanted me to mention that she isn't always trashed.  I think she's feeling a bit maligned here.

I'll tell you why Liz is one of my bestest friends in the whole world, so she and everyone else knows.  Here are the top 10 reasons why I love Liz in no particular order:

1.  Liz and I both love horses.  We've both been through moments of intense fear, been severly injured and humiliated at will and yet we continue to come back for more- that is when you know something is in your blood- when it can throw you to the ground and trample you both in body and spirit and yet you still get up again and ride. For me, I don't know anyone else who quite gets the ups and downs of the horse thing like Liz does.  She was there when Foxy was born, she and I have poured blood, sweat and tears into the horses together and we know when we're out there, we're just us- all grungy and mucking shit and happy as hell.

2.  When I told Liz one of my 'deepest, darkest' secrets, she laughed with me over it which is a reaction I have never gotten from anyone before and probably never will again and was the best reaction I could ever have.  Knowing that you can tell someone something that changes how everyone else who knows has looked at you and it doesn't change how they look at you- that's something special.

3. We both like shoes.  We're both tall in our stilettos.  She knows the walk of shame.

4. We are going to tour the world running marathons(at least that's the plan today).

5. Liz will run a marathon she hasn't trained for under the direst of circumstances with me, just because she is that good of a friend.

6. She has an excellent sense of style, fabulous taste and we can wear each other's clothes.  She's good at sharing. (And did I mention she likes shoes?)

7. Liz makes me want to do more with my life and be a better person, she gives me hope that our dreams can come true. (I know how freakin' cheesy that sounds, but hey, she wanted to know).

8. We laugh.  We laugh at some pretty stupid stuff.  We find fart jokes and porta-potty humor absolutely hilarious.  But we always laugh.

9. Being with Liz makes me feel the same way I feel when I come home from a long day of being 'on' in a conference room and kick off my 4-inch heels (tremendously cute but killing my feet) and pull on my comfies- she makes me feel real.

10. Whether I read something fascinating like Friedman's 5 gas stations theory of the world or want to work through my troubled thoughts on what feminism has really gotten us, Liz is up for digging into it with me and usually contributes a perspective that makes me go 'aha!'- and that I absolutely love.  Who doesn't love someone who contributes to us in the form of challenging and stimulating our intellect and thought process?

I just know that there are a few people, I can probably count them on both hands, in my life who I truly feel connected to- who I get and they get me.  I always feel incredibly lucky and grateful when I find someone like that.  Not to be all Anne of Green Gables, but it's good to have kindred spirits about you.

The forbidden apple.

When someone tells me that I can't have something, I immediately want it.

I don't know exactly why that is, some recall to my oppositional nature in childhood?  Is it that I truly believe I am a person that gets what she wants(always)?  It certainly seems to be true, once I know what I want I am pretty effective in going after it and obtaining it.  What did one of my clients call me the other day?  Relentless.

But some things just won't be had- you know, the whole happiness is a butterfly metaphor. 

Dean and I had a big talk on Friday night after High School Musical- just the thing to stimulate deep relationship-conversation.  And I realized that Dean is always going to be Dean.  Not that I would want it any other way, just thought I could make a few tweaks here and there.  But we people come as a package deal, I think.  I keep waiting for Dean to let me in and I don't know that he ever will and I don't know if I will ever truly and fully understand why not.  I'm starting to accept it.  I may not want it to be that way, but it is. 

I guess sometimes you have to take what you can get.  Love the one you're with, right?

race day.

Whew. What a day.  I don't know what to say.  I have NO idea how I managed to make it to pick Liz up this morning.  She called me at 0-dark-thirty and I simply rolled out of bed, pulled on my pants and shirt and grabbed my running shoes.  At least I had the faculties to pause a moment and put on a sports bra.  Drove to the city and parked.  Got our Starbucks. Ran, ran ran, walked, peed, ran, walked, peed, ran, walked, ran, finished.  Got our free bananas and Tiffany necklaces(cute ones this year- little diamond shape pendant) to add to our collection.  The shirts are pink and I'm not a big fan of pink but they are fitted with cap sleeves.  I miss last year's slogan: I ran like a girl. 

Afterward, Liz and I went out with her roomie and another friend.  Was a good day. Came home and carved pumpkins, did a little laundry and was laaaaaazy.  Sore as hell.  Might not be mocing much tomorrow. Ow.

In which Auntie Natalie loses her sideview mirror.

Some guy sideswiped Auntie Natalie's VW Bug.  Of course, since I am the party pooper they were here to witness it and jumped into my suburban, Big Blue, to track him down.  Hit another car and ran a light at a major intersection almost causing a correspondingly major accident.  I followed in the lexus calling 911.  He pulled over in the drugstore parking lot and Natalie blocked him in with the Suburban.  When the guy got out of his car he staggered around and then passed out.  I called 911 again to make sure they had an ambulance coming.  Being Fremont is such a hopping place, we were shortly swarmed by men in uniforms.  I didn't get excited until the paramedic showed up on th fire truck- they're my favorite.  I was like, "Over here boys, I got a fire for you to put out.  *ahem* drunk guy for you to take to the hospital."

Alls well that ends well but I do have to say- could all the stories of Natalie's car being randomly swiped, mirror knocked off, bumper scraped...Could they be true?  Not a chance.

In which Liz loses her shorts.

It's 9:58.  I'm supposed to be out doing "fun stuff" right now.  Instead, I am lying in bed quite pitifully having had a very bad meeting between my stomach and some cloeslaw at the mexican restaurant.  I do not know why I felt compelled to eat ALL of the coleslaw.  It was something akin to the ice-crunching feeling and I knew, even as I was doing it, that I was going down a very bad road and I couldn't seem to stop myself.

I liken this experience to being in 2nd grade, out on the playground. There was some boy teasing me mercilessly in the way that 2nd grade boys tease 2nd grade girls.  He pulled my braid.  I saw the bat.  I looked at the boy- Jonathon was his name I think.  (I only remember that because later that year his house burned down in our neighborhood.)  And I could swear it happened in slow-motion.  Everything had that underwater feel as I picked up the bat and when he came back for round two to pull my other braid I walloped him with the bat.  And I KNEW as I did it I was going to be in SO much trouble and I couldn't help myself.  It just felt so good.  Lucky for him(and me, too) it was just a whiffle bat and I only lefy welts instead of giving him a depessed skull fracture and a case of permanent brain damage.  (I only let boys I LIKE pull my hair.)

And that's how it was with the coleslaw tonight.  And even though I came home and took my aciphex and a bunch of other stuff, I am currently trying not to writhe in pain.  My sis brought me ice cream but even that didn't make me feel better.  And now no one else is going out.  I am, apparently, a party pooper. 

Oh, I am so TIRED of this shit. 

And now Dean and Nat are forbidding me to go tomorrow.  I am going anyway.  Screw my stomach.  Fuck off stomach.  Anyone know, can they just like take OUT your stomach?  It's not like it let's me eat anything good anymore anyway.  Useless stomach.

As a side note: just got off the phone with Liz... she is completely trashed which she says is the perfect end to the perfect invitation.  I asked her to please unload all the firearms so that when I crawl through the window at 5am tomorrow to drag her ass out of bed Kenny doesn't shoot me.  She says she'll be ready.  I'm just hoping she has clothes on... she mentioned something about losing her shorts.

Home at last.

Ahhh. My plane did not crash.  The kids were very excited when I picked them up from school.

Off to High School Musical.   Right now, I wouldn't care if we were going to the dump, it's just so good to see my girls.

And that's all for now.  It's going to be a quiet weekend, I've got some catching up to do.  Remind me to write about the car service driver I had today that took me to the airport who has 9 dogs including 5 golden retriever puppies and has been married for 50 years.  Now that's a story...

Halloween Costume.

While I walked a client through something on a call this morning I got to browsing Halloween costumes.

I've decided I'm going to be an angel.  I thought the irony would be amusing.

Heading home today.

What a sweet relief.  Again, not that there weren't parts that were nice, but I will be incredibly, incredibly! glad to see my girls.

Of course, I'm sort of wondering what the house is going to look like.

Then there is that whole High School Musical on Ice thing tonight... uh, yay.

Overheard.

Liz: Well, at this point, he's not going to tell you to spank his ass and call him Sally.

Wish I could share the context but not even this blog is ready for that.

Today I was a slug.

I went down for a brief portion of the conference today.  I had a bad bloody nose so headed back to my room and haven't emerged since.

I kinda knew the day was over when I took off my nylons and put on my polka dot pajama bottoms.  That was at noon.

Heh.  Yesterday was an intense day for me.  You know, I struggle alot with this job because it is something that I don't feel amounts to much. And part of the problem is that anything I spend any amount of time on, I fully invest myself. That's hard to justify when you're not really doing anything all that important- not in the life-changing-fulfilling-myself sense of the word. But really, I love my team and we've been through alot over the past 6 years-alot of collective good times and hard work.  And I have to say, it's all about who you spend your time with.  If you're with the right people... it just doesn't matter what you're doing or where you're doing it.

Find Your Sign

Thanks to Andrea from Blah Blah Babycakes from whence I blatantly stole this idea:

I am totally bossy, very loving, definitely attractive, as are all my family and friends, and completely full of myself. Yes, I like to be in control.  I don't take over everything.

LEO (July 23 - Aug 22): The Boss. Usually organized. Need order in their lives. Like being in control. Often eccentric. Like boundaries. Tend to take over everything. Domineering and bossy. Like to help others. Social and outgoing. Extroverted. Generous, warm-hearted. Sensitive and loving. Creative energy. Full of themselves. Doing the right thing is important to Leos. Attractive.

Is it true what they say about you?

A little Rilke.

Were it possible for us to see further than our knowledge reaches, and yet
a little way beyond the outworks of our divining, perhaps we would endure
our sadnesses with greater confidence than our joys. For they are the
moments when something new has entered into us, something unknown; our
feelings grow mute in shy perplexity, everything in us withdraws, a
stillness comes, and the new, which no one knows, stands in the midst of
it and is silent.

Okay.

i have completely surrendered to the beauty of the desert.

Uh. Update from hummer tour.

So, hummer driver might be altered.
We GET to do a scavenger hunt!
Woo! I'm just waiting to see who gets bit by a snake. 10 to 1 it's me.

Update: Before the Hummer Tour

So, yes, it appears to have resolved aside from the fact that I do INDEED look like I stabbed myself in the eye with a sharp stick.  If you look closely(okay, that's what I'm telling myself) you can see from whence blood was spurting(okay, spurting might be a little dramatic):

When I get home I am going to tell the girls, "See this is what happens when you run with a pencil in your hand."  See, you gotta get whatever mileage you can outta these things.  Why waste a perfectly bloody eye?

I seem to have misplaced my parrot.

A testament to the fact that I over indulged, I put on my jeans just now (since we're apparently heading out to bounce around in the desert for the next 3 1/2 hours) and I had to have a fit on the bed rolling around to get them on.  How can that happen in like one day? WTF? Uh, I must be retaining water. Yeah, I'm bloated, that's it. 

So, I'm going to go get my hummer now.  That would be way cooler to say if I was a guy.

It just never stops.

I'm in Scottsdale on business.  Had a decent day yesterday once the airport/flying part was done.  Nice to see all the familiar faces from our other teams that I don't usually get to actually hang with in person.  Will post about that all later.  Oh, had some really, really good pasta last night with sun-dried tomatoes and creme brulee. Cannot resist the creme brulee.

Went running this morning and now am waiting for a call back from my doctor.  Heh.  When I went to the doctor up in Oregon (way back when) he pointed out I have small telangiectasias in my eyes.  Well, apparently one of these decided to rupture this morning while I was running.  This is a new one for me. (Imagine my surprise when all of the sudden my eye starts watering like crazy- I think its because its windy and I'm running and I reach up to wipe my eye and neato! blood! yes, because I need yet another place from which to bleed!)  I am used to the nosebleeds and the other bleeding but hmm, I've never had my eye bleed before.  It kind of sucks.  I'm hoping this I like my nose and will sort of just resolve and in the meantime I get to be the cool-chick-with-the-bleeding-eye at our conference today. Sweet.  Maybe I should wear my red sweater and coordinate.

How you know...

that you are a bad wife:

Your husband stops on his way home to buy socks in bulk- for himself and the kids.

(Look, it's not like I haven't done laundry but when it comes down to it, matching up socks is about the last thing on my list right now.)

okay.

the power was out.  for like 7 hours.  i wrote a big long post about it from my office and somehow lost it.  i've been doing that whole absent-minded thing alot lately.

anyhow, went out for my run.  i had intended to drop Vi's nut sale order form off at the Nut Coordinator's house.  (how would you like to be called the nut coordinator?)this is the brownie thing that because we didn't sell enough nuts Vi didn't get a badge last year.  she got a crummy piece of paper instead.  and everyone knows that when you;re in scouts it's all about the badges.  anyhow, not gonna happen this year.  (anyone wanna buy some nuts?)i swear, the girl scouts are almost as bad as the catholic church with regards to asking for money and fund-raising and buying nuts.  yes, let's pass the collection basket TWICE 'cause we didn't get enough the first time.

geez, my keyboard just sparked.  must be god telling me i'm about to get zapped.

umm.. where was i? right, so i take off from the house with this order form and my bottomless check for the girl scouts clutched in my hand.  i'm thinking i'll jog to Cathy's house, drop it off and then go for my real run.  warm up.  well, leave it to me to get lost in my own neighborhood.  so I end up running here and there and everywhere.  then i come to the realization i am not going to find cathy's house, let alone the street she lives on even though i've been there a few times before(to her street at least). so then i remember that dean is at the park with the kids.  so i run to the park. not there. figure he must be at another park. run there.  so now i'm all beet red and sweaty and my hair is sticking out in fourteen directions because i am not one of those chicks at the club who have every strand of hair in place and never break a sweat even at the END of their workout.  no, i am the girl trying to tug the wedgie out of her ass and simultaneously navigate the curb when a mini-van drives by and I KID YOU NOT a 7-year-old whistles out the window at me.  so i give a big frowny face to him and see his mother hiding her face behind one hand and trying to drive with the other. kids. man. so finally i recognize my street and turn down it.  i run home with vi's nut order now crumpled, damp and half-torn still bunched up in my fist and hand it off to dean.  i apparently just missed them at one of the parks.  and then he asks me where cathy's house is and i'm like, "duh, i wouldn't have run all over hell with that form in my hand if i knew that".  and i'm thinking it's time for a nice hot shower. and then the power goes out.

luckily, we have a gas water heater.  i got to take my hot shower just in the pitch black.  i'm not sure that i actually washed my hair with shampoo.

then, the house got cold cause there is no heat when there is no power because even though we have gas heat the furnace has an electric blower AND my heated blanket does not work without the power on. and the wireless is obviously not working.  so i had to go to the office.  it was only marginally warmer there but at least there were lights and i was able to get my work done.

the good news is that i called liz and even though she was otherwise occupied (seriously), i quickly got her to agree to do at least the nike half marathon with me. (see that is how good of friends we are, no matter who or what we are doing we take each other's calls) we'll see if she still feels the same way in the morning (after the wine wears off)(i always think it is a good idea to run marathons and stuff when i've had a little too much wine)(wait, you really can never have too much wine, so scratch that).

wow. this turned into a rather epic rehashing of the original post.

nancy- it was really good to chat with you today. you are one gorgeous hottie and i love you. and i'm excited for you, i've been thinking about your new venture all afternoon- it is inspiring.  i need to do something different, too.

more work to do before bed. night night.

October 21st

Oh, hey. It's time for me to get another Tiffany necklace.  That's right, the Nike Marathon is on Sunday the 21st.  Anyone going to be doing it?  Jody? Liz? (Andrea- it's not too late to fly down- I owe you money for Vegas still- I can find you a bib!)

Of course, since my hematocrit has been steadily plummeting again, it will be more of a walk-jog thing than a running thing... and I'll probably only do the half unless I'm feeling particularly frisky but hey, don't want to spill that latte anyway, right?

You get a Tiffany necklace! And a cool shirt!

Why I love Sundays.

Viola(in my bed this morning): I LOVE Sundays.

Me: Why's that?

Viola: No homework, no school. RELAXATION!

heh. I totally get that.

It's after midnight. (Mom, don't read this)

Be warned: I am not drunk (seriously).

SO I decided to open the bottom drawer of the nightstand- the one that sticks really badly which was why we thought it was a good place to keep all the *ahem* sex "stuff".  So letsee...

a bunch of condoms: um, still not expired.  free condoms anyone?  not using 'em here. and even when we don't go for a year between sexual encounters, I got this here fancy IUD after Ave was born and never looked back.

a bulk-sized pack of pens from Costco: I have no idea how or why those are in there but I'm glad I found them because pens have been in short supply around here since this whole remodeling process got under way.

a stack of kitchen magazines: well, it's kinda like porn for me.

Now the BOOKS:

How to Seduce a Man & Keep Him Seduced: this was recommended to me by a well-meaning friend.  Um. Unleashing the Sex Goddess? Puhlease.  And it has a list of slang terms for various body parts and sexual acts including: "Tallywhacker" for penis and "Love Oven" for vagina.  It is suggested that one use these terms when talking dirty to one's lover.  I'm afraid this book should rather be called "How to Laugh Your Man Out of the Bed and Keep Him Away". 

Sex and the Perfect Lover: I give this a thumbs down for the goofy ass sex-is-like-yoga-ya-just-gotta-find-yer-chi feel to it.  The pictures are way goofy, though the couple featured definitely found their chi- or, well, at least her chi.  This book recommends relaxation, deep breathing and meditation to develop "sexual energy". Uh huh.  Hmm. Sounds exciting to me.  I got it for the in-depth Kama Sutra position explanations.  The Acrobatic Position, for example, is recommended for "couples training in the art of lovemaking ...Willing to live intense experiences full of marvelous motions". Heh.

5 Minutes to Orgasm EVERYTIME you make love (for women only): a 3-step program for overcoming the too-slow orgasm(huh?).  This book tells me it is my RIGHT to enjoy sex on an equal basis with men.  Well, hell, if I'd only known it was my RIGHT.  The author asks: "The man on top, thrusting and pumping for hours, oral sex, vibrators, rubbing her clitoris until his hand and shoulders ache; is there anything wrong in all of this?"  Wait, what about my RIGHT?  And whew, would love to meet that man, he must be in some good shape.  Basically, this book is all about how its okay to, you know, touch yourself (shhh!) DOWN THERE so your man doesn't have to work too hard during sex to get you off.  I swear, I have no idea where this book came from (I must have been totally drunk when I ordered it off of Amazon).

The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus: How to Go Down on a Woman and Give Her Exquisite Pleasure: (notably by the famous Violet Blue) Don't know if I should shriek with shrill laughter or cry when I tell you I got this book in hopes that you-know-who would read it and, well, give me some "exquisite pleasure".  It appears the spine has not yet been broken.  I have no idea what is inside but I'm starting to think becoming a lesbian might be a good idea, so maybe I will read it.  I'll let you know. Oh, I guess I could give it to my sister.  But maybe that's like giving the "How to ride a Horse" book to the horse. (Come on, you'd think he'd at least crack it open to see if there were any good pictures- which it is sorely lacking).

How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure: Totally Explicit Techniques Every Woman Wants Her Man to Know: Okay, this is probably one of the better sex books for guys.  I really dislike the safe sex chapter that reads like an OSHA manual and the pictures depicting au natural bush (you know, some of us actually take our grooming quite seriously- to the point that involves some pretty wicked pain and hot wax)(some of us, quite thoughtfully, just never want our spouses to get confused as to which end is up).  Otherwise, there are a few tidbits of useful info in here for the guy that will actually read a book like this.  I'm starting to suspect that the paradox here is that the sort of guy who would give enough of a crap to actually read a book on how to make sex more pleasurable for his partner may not actually need it.  I love that Ms. Paget points out that kissing is the best way to get a woman turned on.  That is totally true for me, at least, and I can only speak for myself...some kissing, maybe on a bench overlooking the water at the end of a long dock with the sun shining down on you and his fingers running through your hair and he pauses to tell you he thinks you have beautiful eyes and... whoops, there I go off into fantasy-land.  Back to the book... Paget goes into all the ways there are to kiss- french kissing, up-against-the-wall-kissing, standing-on-the-stairs-kissing(for short women so they can get eye-to-eye)... but again, the problem with all this is all the technique in the world doesn't help if you just don't have it.  Can't get chemistry out of a book.

How to Be a Great Lover: Girlfriend-to-Girlfriend Totally Explicit Techniques that Will Blow His Mind: (Also by Lou Paget if the title didn't give that away) So, I am proof positive that his mind or anything else will not be blown if he does not want it blown.  Again with the OSHA manual... The problem I had with this book is that while she gives some interesting suggestions and techniques for various ways of stimulating him both orally and manually, it gets a little complicated.  One technique called "The Pirouette" actually has about six different steps all involving diagrams with arrows going every which way.  Like how am I supposed to remember that in the heat of the moment? I guess it could be like *ahem* driving a stick- if you practice enough, you don't even have to think about it.  I also appreciate that she points out the value of lubricant and its generous usage.  Lube is way underrated, not that you asked me.  And here's a tip from me- if you want an excellent assortment of good lube- go to a drugstore in the Castro.

Finally, and last but not least:

Tickle His Pickle: Your Hands-On Guide to Penis Pleasing: It has a great name AND won an award.  Now this is a good book.  This little book has it all (girlfriend-to-girlfriend) if you're looking for a little inspiration to, well, tickle his pickle.  Of course, the best part IS the title and the picture of the woman on the cover with a big pickle.

Ultimately, though, good sex probably isn't going to be had out of a book.  I did get one my favorite positions off the internet, though.  Would maybe not have thought of it but hey, it's a keeper. Ooo, and I bet you wish I'd tell you what it was.  Okay.  So basically, woman superior but instead of standard straddle or reverse cowgirl or even planting both feet on either side of him- she stretches his arms over his head, lies stretched out on top, keeps her legs squeezed together (ha! and they told us in Catholic school if we just kept our legs together...).  I like this because it is very close- face to face, whole bodies in contact and apparently it feels pretty good to him- I know I liked it.  What can I say? It hits the spot. Heh.

So, now you know what's in the bottom drawer of the nightstand.

And yes, now I can go to sleep since my little sister just staggered in, drunk off her ass. 

Guilt.

I'm paying bills today.  This is a depressing exercise.  First off, we spend so much money on stupid stuff.  Do you know how much CABLE TV costs? How about the mobile internet access service(work pays for it, but still)... OUTRAGEOUS.  Everything should just be free.  Everyone should just do what they're good at and everything should be free. 

The girls and I are collecting cans today.  We've made almost $100 dollars from turning in aluminum cans and plastic bottles.  We're trying to decide if we want to just keep going until we have the $500 to buy a cow or aim low and get a pig or something.  The kids were a little disappointed to find out we wouldn't actually be, you know, buying the cow and flying it over to Africa ourselves. 

So it is. 

I'm in Phoenix this whole next week.  How much does that suck?  You'd think with all the travel I do, I'd be used to it.  But each and every time... the dread starts a few days before.  I always think of Vi and Ave when my plane is taking off and landing. (I know this is repeat info but I'm really not looking forward to heading out again)  Statistically speaking those are the two points in which the flight is most likely to crash.  So I always think of the girls.  I know that way, if the plane does crash, they will have been my last thoughts (aside from "why didn't I take that OTHER flight again?"). 

Once I took this 'class' called "The Pursuit of Excellence" and it's follow-up courses "The Wall" and ... shoot, can't remember the last one.  Anyway, aside from "telling the truth", one thing this program advocates is accepting responsibility for ALL of LIFE'S CIRCUMSTANCES.  "I attract to me that which occurs".  This is a very easy-to-assimilate dogma when things are going well.  When things suck, it is just about that time that it would be nice to blame everything on everyone else.  But, I try not to do that.  I do attract to me that which occurs.  Still, one of their less easy-to-swallow examples was that if you end up on a plane and it was going down would you be like "m-f-ing drunk ass pilot" or "stupid bitch who crashed her mini-van jammed up traffic and made me miss my earlier plane" or would you take your last seconds on earth and enjoy the view(apparently as you plummet in a fiery ball to your certain death below).  I mean, I get it- I do. 

I just really hope my plane doesn't crash.

I'm off to get the Lexus- it needed service and the low air pressure light for the tires even came on so I dropped it off at the dealer this morning after getting up for Vi's 7:45 (!?!?!?) soccer game. (Come on, I was complaining about having games before noon- I guess this is what I get- can we maybe have them after 9am?)  Then I'm going in for service. Heh. Heh. Mani-pedi time before I head out to our national meeting.  So much up-keep. 

If you want a postcard from Scottsdale, please e-mail me your address by Monday.  I may be getting loads of free alcohol, so, who knows... maybe you'll end up with more than a postcard.  ;) 

The Best Day Ever!

Woo! The dentist did not have to hurt me! Yea! Turns out I do not have a cavity, instead I have root sensitivity because I brush my teeth too hard and have damaged the gum on one of my teeth.  (See, I lived in Hawaii around the time my permanent teeth were all developing and they never heard of fluoride there apparently. And I don't think I saw a dentist until I was like 8.  So I always expect the worst at the dentist.) Now I just have to use this special fluoride gel. But YAY! No torture!

And then... look what I found at the grocery store!!!!

Please note: use GloBalls only in conjunction with good oral hygiene.

Oh: And I know I've talked about my dentist before but if you live in Fremont or anywhere nearby and need an excellent dentist: Dr. Susan Chen.  Even though I hate the dentist, I love her- she is family and you know how I feel about the fam.  The woman had both her mom and sister die of breast cancer, she's had a double mastectomy and a bunch of lymph nodes removed and she still stays in practice specifically for wusses like me who otherwise wouldn't go to the dentist out of sheer terror. How's that for putting things in perspective?

Bustin' the kids out early to take them swimming in the rain.  We'll come home and eat the huge pile of sushi in the fridge and then off to the Little Gym for Parent Survival Night.  Not sure, but I may get a couple hours of reading done tonight. See? It is the perfect day. I can think of only one other thing that could have made this day better (and it's not what you're thinking because rather than fight over who got to shower first, Dean and I jumped in together and you know I cannot resist a naked man in a shower).  But it;s a secret, my secret, and I'm not telling.

The raindrops are all sparkly on my window.  How can anyone not like the rain.  The pool beckons.

Happy Friday.  I love you all, my family and friends- I truly love you all. 

Rainy Day

So, it really rained this morning.  I love the rain sometimes.  I guess you can take the girl out of Seattle but never quite the rain out of the girl.  I ran in the rain this morning.  I had something on my mind and just keot going until I realized I'd gone quite a bit further than I intended, but that was okay, I needed it.  I got home and was high as a kite. Some people say it's endorphins released during exercise that give you this feeling.  I think that's bs, I think I'm just so glad when I finally get to stop how can I be anything but euphoric?

Heh. Joking.

I bailed on a client today. I got a ways up there and traffic was just stopped.  So I turned around and came back. That was the environmentally responsible thing to do. Seriously.

So, I'm trying to face the fact that summer is about gone.  Okay, it is gone.  In fact... really, it is October and soon we'll have pumpkins oozing and running with mold on the front porch.  This summer went by so quickly and I feel like I missed it all.

But here, take a look at what is left before it is gone:

ANd, the largest keffir lime on the planet- oh how I wish I had a kitchen in which to make some Thom Ka which would be perfect in this weather:

How is it that Thai people are so skinny?  I would be so fat if I was surrounded by Thai food all the time.  That is all I would do is eat.  Actually, that's kinda all I really want to do anyway.

Who thinks I should get a puppy?  I mean, aise from the fact that Dean would KILL me.  I think what our new kitchen really needs is a little mini pomeranian, don't you?  And maybe a giant fish tank.  With an eel in it. 

I made an appt. to go see the dentist, so I have to go now.  Wish me luck.  I really despise the dentist, almost as much as I despise the doctor.  Except, maybe not all doctors.  I do adore Andrea, after all, and she is a doctor.  Maybe it's just doctors who don't have blue eyes.  Okay, as much as I procrastinate, I still have to go.  UGH.

one more time...

Please stop abusing the ellipsis.  The ellipsis is our friend.  It has 3 periods... not twenty, not unless you are ten-years-old.  Just stop!

I am going to have dinner with Mike tonight in San Ramon.  We're going to eat taco salads.  Okay, I am going to try and eat a taco salad.  We'll see what happens.  Could be ugly.

After that, I'm going to go see Liz.  I want to say a few words about Liz cause she is my girl.  Don;t have too many of those, especially not down here.  I tell her all my secrets, even before I wrote them down here.  More importantly, she always gets me.  You've gotta have people who get you.

I didn't sleep well last night.  Vi woke me up again and I didn't get back to sleep.  Instead I cut the shit out of my middle finger(which, yes, is some sort of universal karma or something) installing door knobs and locks on all the new doors.  It was pretty easy.  I installed one deadbolt upside down and then the system and workings of the mechanism became quite clear to me.

Halloween is coming up.  No one seems to realize it is always Halloween here.  We are all part of a great masquerade.  What is the costume you wear?

The big drama today: we announced we would not being going to Seattle for Christmas.  It's time to cut the strings.  Our girls deserve to have their own real Christmas- not wake up in a hotel room on Christmas morning.  My mind is made up.  This is nonnegotiable.  I'm scared shitless about the whole thing.  But sometimes, you have to do your own family thing.  I am not getting on a plane with sick kids, putting anyone in the hospital again this year.  NOT DOING IT.  We will have a tree.  We will start our own tradition.  It's time.

And now it is time to go meet Mike.  I can't wait to laugh.

*We laughed alot.  Sorry about the whole ellipse/ellipsis thing. Taco salads were good.  Eating was good. Little Gym tomorrow WOO HOO! Stopped by Liz's. Jesus. Get rid of Kenney.  You deserve so much better girl.  You are hot and smart and tall in your stilettos.  And I love you which that alone means you deserve ONLY the best.  Lose him, I don't care HOW good the sex is.  Okay, I'll shut up now.

what??!?

Avery is currently playing with this talking bowling game on my bedroom floor  I am cracking open the bottle of mommys-little-helpers as we speak- otherwise I am going to throw said bowling pins out into the street in front of oncoming traffic.

Uh, just kidding.

So, Crabby Crawdad was set free today.  Thank god.  I was feeling sorry for the poor guy but honestly, he was so pinchy and grouchy I was too afraid to pick him up and transport him to the lake myself.  Look, call me a girly girl.  I'll have you know that I am almost entirely over my fear of spiders now.  I've learned so much about them from Dean's foray into the life of jr. arachnologist that they don't terrify me like they used to.  Remember, this is the girl who would stand on her bed in mortal fear and throw shoes at the spider across the room whilst screaming bloody murder for help against the menacing daddy-long-legs.  You don't even want to know what sort of state a common garden spider would put me into.  So I guess I have Dean to thank for that and all the macro photography of spiders he's forced me to do over the past couple of year "No, you have o get a shot that shows their pedipalps!" I have no idea how to spell pedipalps but thats what it sounds like so I'm sticking with it.  I literally haven't felt much like eating for weeks and then all of he sudden I got hungry.  I took a bunch of ulcer meds and I'm craving fried zucchini so Dean went over to Olive Garden to pick me up some.  He really is a good husband.  Eat while ya can, that's what I say.

Our ice maker arrived.  That is the last of the appliances.  It goes next to the wine fridge and under the blender storage area for convenient drink-making purposes.  Every family with small children should have a bar in the house.  No, really.

The workers have been painting doors- we're getting all new interior doors and trim.  They are beeyotiful.  They sprayed painted them with a special paint sprayer so they look perfect and I love 'em.

Not much else is new.  Waiting on a cabinet so our counter-tops can go in.  That sure is irritating, but the nice thing is my plan seems to have worked out quite well.  The family room is gorgeous- thy just finished putting in great big white baseboard which looks so fresh and pretty against the blue walls.

I had a MASSIVE fight getting the cabinet hardware onto the new bathroom vanity.  It required 3 trips to home despot which I hate ANYWAY.  So... there was a boatload of swearing coming from the bathroom while Dean took the girls to the park.  Not as easy as I thought it would be to install but now it looks pretty.  Not the hardware I initially chose, in fact if I hadn't screwed up the holes and needed something to cover my mistakes I never would have chosen these but it turns out they look great.  I'm happy. (When does that happen around here? haha)

Can't believe tomorrow is Monday. Wah.

pinchy

So, Dean is trying to get the girls to hold Crabby Crawdad.  He attempted this by allowing the thing to pinch him.  It apperently 'smarts' quite a bit and did nothing to help his cause. Heh.  My girls are smart.

Avery just came in crying because Dean said she was like a crawdad and Viola laughed.  That hurt her feelings.  So I showed her how to snap and say "I don't care what you call me, I know who I am".

Move over Saturday, Sunday's here.

First off: Viola's team played today against a really good team and we got our lunches eaten.  We have awesome defense, but we just really have to learn to keep the ball OUT of our end of the field and pressuring their goal.  SO, we'll work on that.  There are some girls that seriously run their hineys off out there and I'm already taking names for the end of the season.

SO, my throat is sore and I'm a bit hoarse from all that screaming.

I don;t know if it is stress, or the seaon change or WHAT but my skin is horrible.  I feel like a teenager and it's driving me nuts.  With the amount of money I spend on skincare products I should NEVER have these problems.  Money can't buy love and it apparently can't buy clear skin either. Heh.

Ever feel totaly duped by someone?  You think they are going one way and then they go another?  I'm trying to accept this and say "What can I learn?" "Be like the lotus".  No really. I am way too trusting sometimes and friendships, work relationships, I am not good with boundaries.  And I don't want to be! I want life to be a full on experience, 100% as much of the time as I can make it, because trust me, time is short for us all.  I'm not going to change that even if I get burned sometimes.  If you've read my blog at all you know that one thing is for sure, you get me- just and always ME- but really me.

The other day Avery sqaid she felt embarrassed for me.  So it begins, but hey, I want her to speak her truth too so I said, "Good, I'm glad you told me and don't worry, I am going to embarrass you alot over the next couple of decades.  Get used to it. "  Then she was all apologetic.  That's my little socially conscious 4-year-old for you.

Dean and I are working on things because that's just what you do.  Like I said, one foot in front of the other.  Maybe the light will come on eventually.  Maybe 98% of this has to do with my environment being so disturbed and being insecure about my body with everything going on with it.  In the meantime, who said I can't daydream about my shirtless construction workers? Hee hee.

Friday stuff.

So, I don't know what is up but there is still a crawdad in the living room.  With all the remodeling going on, we don't really have room for hangers on.  He's pretty pissy, too.  When I walk by he gets all grouchy and waves his little pincher things at me.  Don't worry, little guy, I am not going anywhere near you.  At least he isn't in my laundry tub anymore.  He has quite the fancy habitat, but face it- he's not going to last long in the nice clean water we provide when he is used to the toxic swill of Lake E.

I mentioned how I cut the top of the bathroom door off by accident?  I thought I was cutting the BOTTOM but I was confused(needed the door to clear the new marble tile).  So, the bathroom has been uniquely ventilated for the past couple of- is it months now?  So there is going to be a new door going in today and I for one am greatly excited about that.  Mostly because now the sounds and smells of the bathroom will actually remain contained within the bathroom- as they should.

That's what happens when you give a girl some power tools.  You end up with the top of your bathroom door cut off.  Okay, okay.  That's what happens when you give ME power tools.

We went school-clothes-shopping last night.  It was horribly frustrating.  The girls did everything annoying that I used to do to my mom when she would take me shopping.  On top of that Viola is tall for her age.  It's hard to find stuff that she likes AND fits her AND is age appropriate.  I came away understanding more fully why I do most of my shopping online.

I cannot tell you how glad I am that it is Friday even though I have no business being glad.  There is alot of work to do this weekend.

Update on 'Eau de Star'

Now that I've worn it for a while it smells like what I thought it smelled like originally.  I like it alot.  This might be it.  It just had to breathe. Ahhh.

Hey, and because I am now in full-swing-rapid-cycling mode of my manic-depressive disorder(self-diagnosed, of course) in the same box as the Eau de Star came a pair of silver patent leather platform slingbacks.  I mean, I must be mental, right?  What the hell am I going to wear them with?  I don't care.  I like them. They're sparkly.

Scent of a woman.

I have to confess I bought a bottle of Eau de Star.  Perfume.  Because, I, ya know, needed more perfume.  And now I'm thinking it doesn't smell at all like the sample so I'm confused. 

Some people, most people I know, have a scent.  And I am very scent oriented for some reason.  I pass someone on the street and I will literally turn around because they smell like someone I know and I think it is them.  So you would think I'd picked out a scent and would stick with it.  But I don't or won't or something. And I know everyone has different body chemistry and the same thing can smell totally different on two different people but I don't like the idea of smelling like someone else. 

Is that weird?  But maybe it's just that I haven't landed on MY scent yet.  I wear Be Delicious all the time and Beautiful quite often but nothing that I've just said "this is it, this is me".  And it's funny because alot of times I like something and then I realize it is because I have an association with someone I like and that scent.   Of course, that means it is taken in my mind.

My friend Mike said when he moved into his place it smelled like Avon Roses Roses, or Old Lady.

The iniquity of it all.

I sat in the car for 5 hours today to go to a one-hour meeting.  Okay, technically, I drove the car for 5 hours.  One of my co-horkers rode along and I almost killed us both trying to decide which lane to go in through the toll-plaza.  Jersey barrier versus car = not good.  Luckily, the Lexus is quite agile and I have the reflexes of a cat. Ha ha. Yeah.

Normally, I would never complain about work here(ha ha) because, you know, I don't want to get fired and stuff but I had one of those afternoons where things were on fire in every direction and losing 6 hours(5 in the car) this morning kinda just was not good. I'm so eloquent and all with my prolific use of the vernacular here, I know.

But, I finally dragged my sorry self home at 3 pm to regroup, finish up some work before dashing to get the kids and go to soccer practice to find that a large box had arrived from Amazon.  I forgot, but in a haze of near-sleep the other night I allowed Avery to talk me into buying "Operation" and I threw in "Trouble" while I was at it.  Who couldn't use a little Trouble now and again?  It's the one with the die inside the plastic bubble and it goes "pop".  That's cool. I LIIIIIKE it.

SO, I'm reading Augusten Burroughs "Possible Side Effects" and it has me laughing out loud.  Seriously.

I had another close call today.  I ran into a wall.  This is because I just do not pay attention.  Of course I went hip first somehow and I had this really weird moment where I actually thought I'd broken my hip and my life for the next three months flashed before my eyes.  I seem to be intact, however, bones and all.  Of course, when I broke my shoulder I didn't realize for two weeks so check back in a month, I guess.

So, you're wonder what is so iniquitous around here?  I talked to my dad tonight.  My mom is having surgery(on her foot- because of her hemiparesis her gait is all screwed up and they keep doing surgery on her foot and ankle because it is so screwed up from walking weird on it for years on end) and they won't be coming down for Thanksgiving like they do every year.  So I will (hopefully) have my new kitchen/dining/family room and a turkey in each oven and they won't be here.  And I suppose we could go north for Thanksgiving and I could cook in my mom's kitchen- but I really want to do Thanksgiving in my new kitchen this year.  And I think it is important to establish SOME family rituals that actually revolve around our family here.  We go up for Christmas every year and spend two weeks in a hotel, but Thanksgiving is OUR holiday here and I love to cook it up.  I put lots of Grand Marnier in the stuffing and we make Grapefruit Jello Salad in honor of Grandma C..  I pull out the depression glass and the fine china that we never use, the good silver, the white embroidered tablecloths, and I dig deep into the reserve section of my wine cellar.  So maybe it will just be us this year, who knows.

And it sucks that my mom has to have surgery, but I'm being a pouty, self-centered child and wanting to have my way.  I'm busy with that right now, thank you.  It's times like these that I really wonder what my OTHER life would have been like, the one where my mom didn't get a brain tumor and end up damaged and paralyzed on her right side.  That is also the life in which I actually went to Bennington or Sarah Lawrence and then to med school. Maybe I joined the Peace Corps and I didn't get sick , and if I did I certainly didn't pass it on to my beautiful I suppose that life wouldn't have Vi or Avery or Dean or Apollo or or Foxy or Phoebe and Sampson and Missy and Tink and Rocket .  Ah, if we could just have it all, you know?

Composting a new post.

So, I do most of my posting from bed.  If you think about that, I mean, it makes sense.  I also so most of my reading and tv watching in bed and probably 50% of my work in bed.  This is probably why I have the big princess bed, too.  With all this time I spend in bed, my butt would get sore if I did not have a full two feet of mattress and 4 inches of novafoam, down baffles and heated blankies underneath it at all times. But I digress.

The whole bed thing is funny, though.  I know alot of people simply go to bed in their beds.  That means they get in the bed, turn out the light and go to sleep.  Or if they are currently lucky enough to have a spouse that wants to have sex with them, maybe they get a little lucky, and then they go to sleep.  Although, current polling of my friend population seems to indicate that sex is not a regular occurance.  Of course, they mean, like a couple times a month or once a week- not once a year. (I'm kind of cracking myself up here.) 

Rebecca says she has a solution for me- and this is sort of the female version of porn- reading trashy novels.  I think the closest I've gotten to reading a trashy novel was Clan of the Cave Bear in like 4th grade or something and we all tittered about the sex parts on the playground(haha, notice my apropos use of tittered).

Where am I going with all of this?  No where.  Absolutely no where.  Rebecca is sending me a 'care package'.  I don't know.  Will reading about other people getting what I want make it worse?  I mean, it seems like it would, doncha think? But anyway, I just can't imagine actually going to bed in my bed.  I almost always fall asleep doing something- reading, writing, watching tv, charting out plans for new garden/dining room/kitchen etc. 

I'm just procrastinating.  I have to get up at 6am tomorrow for that deal in Healdsburg.  I think I'd rather stick a fork in my eye, but ask me again at 6am.

BTW, you should NOT NOT Google your coworkers.  You are just asking for trouble.  For example, if one of my coworkers Googled me, they would very likely find this pile of compost and turn me in to the white-coated HR people.

Can you tell I've lost that part of my brain that controls impulse?  I really don't care anymore.

Apparently more is NOT better.

I took both my stomach medications together last night and it caused my brain to turn out like a light.  Apparently I continued to try and function but sleep was the only cure.  The best part is I remember none of it. Woo hoo!  At least I didn't leave clothes all over my house as I stripped them off and the credit cards stayed in my purse and did not have a party with the computer.

Along those lines, it was pizza for dinner last night.  I will never eat pizza again,  No, really, this remodeling thing has ruined pizza for me, FOREVER.

I might make pizza... mmm.. if only I could make one of my yummy pizzas with caramelized onions and sweet hot bell peppers and parmigiana reggiano cheese... I want to cry right now.

Also, William-Sonoma has not been selling their caramelized onions on-line and since I like *never* go to the mall- anyone know- do they just not sell those any more?  I would have stocked up.  That's going to piss me off.

The family room wall is being repaired and textured today now that the floor is done.  Seems backwards, I know, but thats how we had to do it.

Big deal at a client tomorrow.  Wish me luck.

Avery is still home sick with a fever.  I just give her motrin and she sleeps and sleeps.  I hope she gets well soon,  I worry a little extra bit about her.

The plumber is here, gotta go.

More stuff I want my girls to know.

Look out people.  This may get cheezy.  It's not for you, though, it's for them.

-Sometimes I lay in bed with you at night and watch you sleep.  And the things  I wish for you, you'll never know unless you're a parent.  It's like if I could pull all the sweet and all the salty and all the bitter from life and roll it up and give it to you because I know that you can't have one without the others.

-I want you to be kind.  Kindness is underrated.  We're all about getting what we want.  I want you to know what it is to make sacrafices to make other people happy.  Not in an unhealthy way, but in the way that you learn that you don't really need what you thought you needed, that you are content with what you have or less.

-I want you to stand up for who you are.  I don't want you to ever flow with popular opinion just because everyone else is.  Don't be a sell-out, be who you want to be and don't give a damn who says you shouldn't.

-Tall girls should wear heels, if you want to.

-Small things do count.  Buildings can fall down, no one cares who builds big bridges, but the grocery store clerk remembers when you tell her she has a pretty smile or her hair looks nice today.  Sometimes what feels like giving something away is really adding to us.

-Always brush and floss. Enough said.

-Animals are like humans only with unconditional love.  Unconditional love is rare.  Treasure it.  Be nice to animals.

-Just because someone hurts you doesn't mean you have to hurt them back.  Be the bigger person, you'll feel better later.  They have to live with what they do and so do you.  Don't let mean people trick you into being someone that you aren't.

-It's okay to trust people.  Most people are good.  If they aren't it's usually because they've been hurt.  If you get knocked down, get back up again.  You are your mother's daughters and I always get back up again.

-Tell the truth.  Then no one can argue with you.  Not even yourself.

-You are loved more than anything or anyone else.  Love will take you places you never thought you could go and get you out of some spots you'd never thought you'd be in.  Hold onto that. Hold on tight.

Yay.

Picked up my Monogram induction cooktop for the kitchen today. Def. a bright spot in my day.

Ave is still ill and Dean and I both worked from home today.  He's taking soccer practice so I can stay home with her.

Crawdads are still in the living room.  They fight alot which seems sort of silly to me. 

I'm having a distinct urge to chew ice which I know directly corresponds to the bleeding, but in the remodel madness I cannot find the ice crusher.  I used to always put diet coke with my ice before and my stomach can't even take the diet coke any more. Whee.  I'm on a propel fitness water and bagel diet. Right on.

I should mention, too, that my company is launching some new initiative involving all our databases.  Value is small though tangible to the clients but the potential to screw up everything is great.  Why am I thinking this is going to be a nightmare?

Just call me Eeyore.

It's a curse.

And it's been going on for days now.  Now Look, I usually wake up early.  I have alot of early conference calls and stuff, in fact I'm going to be calling Ohio here shortly.

BUT, 4:30? 5:30?  This is ridiculous? Viola has been waking me with nightmares the past few nights and this morning Ave woke up complaining about her head hurting.  Of course I immediately went to worse-case-scenario, but then I remembered that Nat came back sick from Las Vegas.  Sure enough, Ave has a 104 fever.  I gave her enough children's motrin to knock down a 4-year-old and she is snuggled up under the heated blanket next to me now.

Andy! Thank you  for the offer of the Greenspan book!  I will totally take you up on it.  I'll e-mail you my address, you sweetheart.  For now I am reading "Winter World" which is all about how different animals adapt to winter.  How bizarre is hibernation, I tell you?  I also picked up a GREAT little book called "More Sex is Safer Sex" which is not at all what it sounds like.  The subtitle is "The Unconventional Wisdom of Economics".  It's cute, not particularly rocket-science-economics but good for a quickie and I've been reading bits out loud to Dean. Heh.  Still no replacement for that Stephanie Meyer book.  Please, someone give me a good recommendation for some fiction I can lose myself in!  I'm in a fiction funk!  I have "Sharp Objects" sitting here, but in my frame of mind maybe that isn't a good read right now.

So, here I am, up at 5:30 am.  I know I won't be going back to sleep.

Got nothin' for you today.  Apollo had his shoes done so I have no excuse not to get out to ride except work and soccer practice and overseeing construction on the house.  But at least the big oaf won't be falling down when he's out in the arena.

Did I mention they're riding Foxy?  I am so excited!  Soon, soon I'll put up a picture of me on my horse.  Do you know how long I've waited for this? She hasn't bucked once, not once.  My girl.

What, exactly, am I going to do with these crawdads in my living room?