My Name is Mommy

My only friend, the end.

First off, just want to state for the record that I hate both the IRS and the California Franchise Tax Board.  Yep.  I know hate is a strong word(I reserve it solely for the IRS and the Franchise Tax Board).  Both do say that both agencies are quite adroit in evoking hatred in me.  It's not even about the money, it is the utter HASSLE of it all.  The California Franchise Tax Board has like 14 different numbers to call after each step in a completely fucked process to prove that you did indeed file your tax return and as such shouldn't have 25% of your weekly wages garnished to pay off the $25K that you do NOT owe to the State of California.

You know that saying about how God/the Universe/Whatever throws a pebble at you, then a rock and finally a boulder?  I'm starting to wonder if this isn't a sign(one of many) saying "get the hell out of California", sell the house, now! before the big earthquake hits.  I'm a little superstitous like that.  I just don't know if it is a sign or if I want there to be signs.  I wonder, too, what it would be like not to believe in signs?

Margaret and family are due in shortly and we'll head out for food hopefully as I can't even remember the last time I ate.  Oh, wait.  There was a bagel.  The days just seem to run together.  I did shower today.  That is a sign, in and of itself.  I plan to be all better by 2008.

We have puppies.  Puppies are great.  They are so soft and warm and snuggly.  Their eyes haven't even opened yet but it seems like they've practically doubled in size.  I think I am going to keep them all, all six of them.  I'm going to name each one of them after a day of the week and then maybe we'll change Jenny's name to... Sunday or something.  In Spanish, of course, since they do not speak English yet.

The last day.

Here we are.  The last day of 2007.

Never thought it would come, but here it is.  I'm excited.  There are good things ahead in 2008.

Out with the old, in with the new.

Hot mama.

So, some random guy told me I was HOT today.  Not cute.  Not pretty. HOT.  Young guy, too.

I think I am officially entering my Mrs. Robinson phase.

You know how sometimes someone gives you a compliment and it feels sorta slimy?  No, this didn't feel like that.  Was kinda nice.

Look at me looking outside myself for affirmation and all.  For the record, I think everyone is HOT in their own special way.  Except my kids.  They are never going to be allowed to be hot in any way, shape or form.  They will be distinctly unhot until their wedding nights at which point they may be allowed to be briefly hot for their husbands who love them solely for the beauty of their characters and their immense intellects.  Kidding, I'm totally kidding.  Ave already has a boyfriend, who, ironically enough, is named Rocket.  Yeah, like our guinea pig.  She's 4. Kids these days, dammit.

Updated...

My Name is Honey.  If you still don;t have access and want it- I just need your e-mail address to send you the password.

Today I rise.

Enough.

Enough is enough.

That's all I can say.  I'm kicking this illness trash to the curb.  And I'm taking a shower.  Even if it kills me. 

Add to the list of resolutions:

Take more photographs

and

Take more photographs with film

Figure out why last batch of b&w infrared came out fogged.  Useless roll of crap.  Would have been good though.  Hate it when you see how good something could have been and then it doesn't come out right. 

I want to go to the aquarium today.  I need a healthy dose of frolicking otters.  And I want to pet the rays.  I love how they feel.  Then I want to go to the beach, especially if it is raining, and go barefoot on the sand.  I want to dig my toes into the sand. 

God, I can't wait until Foxy is old enough I can take her to the beach to run.  It will be a beautiful thing.  Can't wait.  Right there- that thought can get me through the next year.  One thing.  Sometimes, all you need is one thing.

Petting the rays isn't so bad either, and watching the jellyfish.  They make me happy.

Note to self: get passport photos of me and the girls. Today.

Crazy idea time.

Okay, I'm feverish so maybe this is delusional.  Bear with me.

I'm a horse person.  I believe everything in life can be extrapolated from our experience with the horses.  Horses teach you about yourself, they teach you about leadership, humility, how to fall and get back up.  The most important thing they teach you is to tell the truth- that is what underlies all else.

The truth is, I'm not happy.  The truth is I've fallen- in so many ways.  I've sold myself out dozens of times over to do what I thought other people wanted me to do.  In the process, I've abandoned my integrity and my dreams- two things that I always felt were key in defining me. 

So, I'm working on a plan now.  A big plan.  I'm not sure I can get my job to go along with it, not sure how I will work out the logistics.  But as Steve used to always say, "Go big or stay home, baby!"  Well, I'm tired of staying home.  It's time to fly.  I'm getting my passport ready.

My name is Lazy...

should be the title of this blog. 

All I did yesterday was lay around and watch movies and be feverish.  Watched Waitress.  That was pretty good.  If only I could get the girls to wear matching dresses with me and skip down the road to my Pie Diner.  Yeah.  Do like the idea of the fresh start.  Is there ever such a thing?

Then I watched Love Actually.  One of my all-time favorite movies- I love the opening bit, the "love is everywhere, not always dignified or newsworthy, but all around" part, the arrivals gate at Heathrow airport.  The rest of the movie, fantastic, but that opening sequence... I could watch it again and again.

Then, of course, I needed to watch some trash- Dean headed out to pick up a couple of movies and some dinner.  Tried to eat stir-fry and ended up throwing it all back up- don't tell Dean, he'll take it as an affront to his cooking instead of an indicator that I'm just sick.

Watched The Invisible.  That would suck to be invisible.  It was okay.  I don't think that when someone has a big revelation they should always have to die in the end of the movie.  That's just dumb.  Sometimes you should be able to have a big revelation and go back and live the rest of your life, just better, more beautifully.

Fell asleep at the beginning of Stardust. 

Now the question is: am I going to get up today?  Or what?  I don't know.  Seems like I could stay here for a long time.  It's raining.  Do love the sound of the rain.

I can look back over my life and sometimes I do not know exacty where a change started and when I became changed.  Other times, I see it there, a sparkling break in the chain of my continuity where I became someone new- abruptly.  The day I found out my mom was sick, a night spent on a sailboat in highschool, the day Vi was born, the day Ave was born, a day in the desert...  Sometimes I became someone vastly different, and other times it was an almost imperceptible shift that would become like the flutter of the butterfly wing that result in the hurricane.  Change, in and of itself, is neither a good nor a bad thing.   Our fear of it, however, that's bad.  Bad, even.  Lao-Tzu: He who overcomes others is strong; he who overcomes himself is mighty.

So, I think I would add to my list of resolutions: Be mighty, overcome myself, don't be afraid, embrace change.

Let's talk about love.

I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love. --Mother Teresa

Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable. --CS Lewis

Love doesn't make the world go round. Love makes the ride worthwhile. --Franklin Jones

Beautiful sentiments.  Fabulous words. 

Unfortunately, love will not clean my bathroom, so I must.  Love should clean the bathroom.  Better it than me.

(If you're wondering why I am having a posting frenzy? The sixteen hour drive in close proximity to sick children and the stress of the holidays has me laid up with whatever crap was making the kids congested, coughing and feverish.  Yes, love waking up with a fever and having hallucinations.)

Expectations.

2007.  What can you expect from a year ending in an odd number?  I mean, as the girls have grown, I've found the odd numbered years to be difficult.  We didn't have 'terrible twos'- the girls were precocious and had 'terrible ones'. 

So, I have great expectations for 2008.  It's going to be a fresh start.  No mistakes in it.  Not yet, at least.  I'm sure it will be riddled with foolishness by next December when I am again contemplating where another year went.  But for now, it lies before me like a stretch of perfectly smooth water, no ripples, no rocks.

Does everyone have their New Year's resolutions at the ready? I'm not ready, gotta work mine out.  There is definately going to be something in there about staying away from people that detract from me rather than add to me, standing my ground and not letting fear make my decisions for me, lightening my load(as in divesting myself of all my worldly belongings- not my Michael Kors heels however, never those)(as in getting rid of some of this emotional furniture cluttering up my mental living room).  That's all well and good but working in sales and marketing, I know it is key to have a value measurement- goals I can determine if I actually reach or not.  Let's see- do I want to work on my career? Uh. Hm. Married life?  It doesn't seem like a good plan to put "Get seperated" on my list of New Year's resolutions, I don't know why, but just doesn't feel right.  Have more sex.  That is definately going on the list.  I think people who have more sex are just happier all around.  Don't know how that's going to work with my current marital issues, but come on, I don't actually live on this planet anyway.  Get my rose garden back in shape.  Now that I can do.  Going to plant the two empty dirt plots in front of our house full of roses.  It's going to be a beautiful thing.  Ride more horses.  Read more books.  Go more places.  This one is serious.  I have a million frequent flyer miles and I think it's time to take the girls and go somewhere fabulous: Thailand? Russia? New Zealand?  Actually, where is the exact furthest point from here?  That's where I want to go.

Only a few days left to figure out what I want.  Need to think on it a bit more. 

Another light put out.

I just want to note for the record, I am very saddened by the assassination of Benazir Bhutto.  I think she was a real beacon of hope in a place in the world that can use all the hope it can get.  And now she is gone.  It is senseless.  I hope that someone rises up in her place to carry on.

Dum spiro, spero.

Love, it's what's for dinner.

Made it safely down from Seattle.  So, I have to say- don't think Seattle is my home any more.  I'm mourning that loss but I think, in a way, it is an acknowledgement of my growing up and away.  I used to believe that home was the place where you knew where all the roads led.  Now, I think we carry home with us and it resides in the people we love.  You know, home is where the heart is.  My heart is here.  Passed Mt. Shasta in the wee hours and it was cloaked in darkness and snow then watched the sun come up over the fields as I drove down the 505 and every mile that passed I felt I was closer yet to being home. 

I'm feeling a little more peaceful now, curled up on my bed with my heated blanket.  It is a rough time and I keep whispering to my self, "This too shall pass."  Because it will, it will all pass.  Things have not turned out how I expected.  I don't know why that surprises me.  I continue to beat my head against the wall with my family.  My dad is an oasis in an emotional desert, but otherwise it all feels wrong.  I always feel like the step-child I am.  The irony is that my step-dad is the only one that doesn't make me feel that way.  Dean and I seem to be slowly but surely moving toward the inevitable.  To top it off, I lost someone yesterday who was a close friend- someone that rightly or wrongly I was leaning on during this tenuous time.  There were reasons, all very understandable, but it doesn't make it any easier for me.  I don't come by people who understand me easily, that I truly connect with and far less often do I come across people that inspire me to be a better person and invigorate me with new energy.  So, needless to say, this has me spinning.  I can't figure out whether to be angry or sad or fight against it.  It just doesn't seem fair when I am at a low point to have something like that taken from me that I so needed.  I guess maybe that is the lesson for me: I need to rely on myself, not need other people.  I let myself slip here.  Weakness is bad.  But the good news is that I'm open to the lessons as they come.  When someone tells you that you need to open up, that your hard shell just gets in your way... don't listen, they probably have a knife in their hand.

I'm going to take a nap now because I clearly need one after being up all night.

Heading home.

On our way home from Seattle here shortly.  Just bidding farewell to the parents and throwing the last of our crap in the suburban.

So, look, don't send me 'are you okay' e-mail over what I am about to write: feeling a little crazy, a little rash, had about all I can take.  You know how they say that choice is a powerful thing?  I keep rattling the bottle of pills in my pocket, knowing that if I wanted to, I could just go to sleep and not wake up again- simple as that.  Of course, choice IS a powerful thing and I have two little girls that I know wouldn't be better off with anyone else.  Somehow, though, knowing that I'm choosing this makes it a little easier.  No, don't choose the pain, don't like that I've been let down again but I choose to endure with the hopes that things will be better again soon. 

I just keep feeling like I woke up in someone else's life and not sure how I got here.  And change is coming, it has to- and like any transformation, I think it's going to hurt.  I'm scared and right now I feel really, really alone.  And I'm tired.  And hormonal.  And feeling a little fat(which never helps). God, and have a 16 hour drive with sick kids in the car(why do I torture myself like this?).

At least I didn't get mauled by a tiger on Christmas.  There's always an upside.

No go to the snow.

Looks like our day of skiing is off.  Avery seems to have relapsed a bit.  I'm feeling a bit sniffly, and Dean seems to be coming down with something.  Dean suggested I go alone with Vi but I think that would have made Ave feel horrible so we'll call it until we can go as a whole family.  I'm just bummed because the conditions are fantastic.

Was planning on taking off tomorrow after seeing Andrea and family, but I'm wondering if we shouldn't head out today.  I just want to get home.  I'm completely hormonal and not fit for human interaction, really.  I need to go home and ride my horse, work out, get my chemistry back in order.

O' Christmas wee.

Christmas was an interesting venture this year.  We threw a bunch of stuff in Big Blue on Saturday and after fighting over the packing job, headed out late in the evening to go to Seattle.  It was absolutely beautiful coming over the pass in the early, dark morning hours.  The sky was full of clouds but the big moon shone through an open spot illuminating the trees and snow.  It felt like we were the only ones alive, toasty under blankies in the car, playing some good road music.  The kids slept most of the way and when they were finally up we passed on pulling out the portable DVD player and instead talked and sang songs.  Did it the old-fashioned way, and it was good.

We rolled into my folks place on Sunday and the festivities began.  Dad and I headed out to Costco almost immediately which is what we do.  Knocked off some last-minute shopping and bought a big bag of beef jerky.  I don't know, gotta have jerky, right?  After that, I headed out to meet up with Margaret which was spectacular.  We spent hours sitting in Starbucks laughing(and of course mocking the Bellevue bitches with their Rock N Republics so tight you can see the outline of a stray pube missed at their last waxing appointment while they strutted in to get their coffee in their high-heeled flip flops, hello, December!). 

Christmas Eve turned into the rush to get all the last-minute gifts.  Dean and I left the girls with Grandma & Grandpa and went to do a little shopping.  For some reason, Christmas Eve was not-so-great for me.  As I was wandering through Target, looking for stocking stuffers, I came down the cold and allergy aisle.  I started imagining ripping open boxes and just downing bottles of cold medication.  It would be quite the ruckus in the Target- a little pre-Christmas crazy for everyone.  And have to say, the thought of jail, the hospital or even a locked mental unit actually sounds like vacation to me. 

Christmas Eve, my parents were supposed to have all of my dad's relatives over- host the Christmas Eve party that used to be at Grandma Marguerite's.  But of course, I had to go and bring my sick kids up- so everyone bailed but my sisters and their friend Sarah.  Dad's sister stopped by briefly to drop off gifts.  It was a weird Christmas Eve to say the least.  My sisters hit the vino pretty hard and Mom ended up going to bed early and Ave fell asleep at like 6pm.  Dean and I ended up running around looking for french cut green beans at the last minute because Nat had picked up all of the ingredients and mom told her she had green beans- but they were CUT green beans, not FRENCH.  Anyhow, after dinner was over and people started heading off in their own directions, Vi and I got dressed to go to Margaret's and then to midnight mass.  Of course, apparently midnight mass is now held at 10pm, not midnight.  So, we were in a scramble to find a parish which actually had midnight mass at midnight and ended up going to a Spanish mass.  God bless Bellevue, that's all I can say to that.  Who has midnight mass at 10pm?

Mass was good in the comforting way that it always is on Christmas.  Have to say, I like the music at the Spanish mass much better- was much livelier and passionate.  After returning from mass, I got Vi into bed.  We snuggled up and I did a few sit-straight-up-in-bed-and-say-"Are those Reindeer hooves I hear?" routines before she finally settled down and drifted off.  I got back up and got busy being Santa and wrapping all the presents that hadn't been wrapped yet.  I was up until after 5am, I think.  Tried to get Dean up to help but once he's down, it's like trying to get a tranquilized horse on it's feet. 

This morning, Christmas was good.  Everyone was in good spirits and the kids just had a huge amount of infectious energy.  I went out on a limb and bought the girls climbing gear from Santa this year since I'm so tired of all the junk out there and we end up with bags of toys heading out to the Goodwill far too often.  Of course, climbing gear is one of those things- could be pretty disappointing.  But no, the girls were pretty thrilled so I was excited.  I got Dean a Flip digital video recorder as he's working on You Tube and been wanting to get some of his own stuff up there.  Problem is, even though we have a digital video camera, the thing is a pain to convert to digital.  It was a good Christmas and everyone was happy, at least for a little while.

I ended up sleeping away most of the afternoon.  Think I'm fighting off or coming down with whatever the kids have had.  I need to hold out just another day or so as we're headed for Crystal tomorrow morning bright and early.  We've got plans to meet up with some friends on Thursday and then we'll probably head out, want to try and get back to California by Friday morning.

So, who knows what 2008 holds?  I am sitting here wondering if I will be back here next year and if so how the landscape will have changed.  I don't know why this holiday has been so strangely unsettling and disappointing.  Yes, usually have angst with my mom anytime we visit, yes, Christmas is usually hectic and chaotic- but this year, I just felt like I was holding on by a thread, doing the white-knuckle routine.  I hate not knowing what is going to happen, hate not having a plan.  Usually, when my life has changed directions in the past it has been in some drastic upheaval, but the course has always been definite.  This is less drastic and the course is far from certain.  And I don't like it.  Probably means it's good for me to go through this somehow.  Provided I make it.  I'm a strong girl, but it is so hard not to run for cover in the comfortable and known places.  Somehow, I thought if I came home, slept in my old room with my girls-- that somehow things would be better.  Instead, I think what it did was remind me of how much hope and expectation I had back when I was their age in that room- and what a disappointment I am to myself, how much my younger self would have been saddened to see what I have become.

Just a side note: Margaret always says when people show you who they are, believe them.  I never want to, I always want to believe in the goodness and strength I see in people.  I always want to believe that people love me back the way I love them.  And I guess the question isn't, "When will people stop disappointing me?" but "When will I quit setting myself up for disappointment?"  I can count on one hand the people in my life who are strong and brave enough to be the friend to me that I am to them, maybe that's all I need and those are the people I should focus my energy on.  I know I probably sound like Miss High-and-Mighty here but it is true that when the chips are down, when the shit hits the fan, it really shows you who is there for you and who isn't.  You know who you are, you guys, and I love you and thank you for it because I don't know if I could do this without you- I don't know what the point would be.

El Norte.

So, I think we're going to try and take off for Seattle tonight.  Got a bunch of Christmas shopping done, but it's going to be spare this year.  I'm giving people what really matters to me.

I had an early gift- found my Pentax Optio that I used to always carry in my purse for spur-of-the-moment photo opps- also became misplaced in the remodel ruckus.  Now she's all charged up and ready to go.  I'm ready to go.  I'm taking a break while I'm up there- leaving my computer at home.  Should leave my phone at home but you know I can't do that. 

I cleaned out the hall closet today and the things I found... my stockpile of Tamiflu for when the avian flu comes for us(you think I'm kidding, but I'm not), 18 gauge syringe needles- uh, do you know how big those are? they're for the horse.  So damn many prescriptions and bandages and rolls of tape and I just started thinking- hey, I did pretty good- I made it through the year(well, almost).

The girls are sick and hence the postponement of the trip- we had planned to leave yesterday but Vi wwas having tummy touble which is not conducive to a long car ride.  But I'm ready to e on my way.  I'm ready to smell the air in Seattle and be surrounded by the green, green trees.  Mostly, I am craving the comfort of my friends.  If nothing else, that is what I want right now- just to laugh, have my little corner on joy for a bit.

So, despite all my protestations- off we go to Seattle again for Christmas.  It seems like the right thing about now.  Dad called tonight and we discussed our ski plans for Crystal Mtn..  He's excited to get the girls out there.  It;s good to have people who are excited to do things with you.

Puppies are all getting plump and are extra wriggly.  I'll post pics soon.  Mama is still awfully protective and got me pretty good the other day for trying to steal one away.

If I don;t post again before Christmas- Merry Christmas everyone.  Surround yourselves with love, you deserve it.

Love makes the world go 'round.

Looking back through pictures from this year, I can't believe it.  Seems like it was ages ago- the girls' birthdays, Disneyland, summer... the time just flies.  These days come and gone, I might as well have been dreaming.

   

 

How strange is the lot of us mortals! Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose he knows not, though he senses it. But without deeper reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people.

--Albert Einstein

Real quick...

Uh, builders offering pet peacocks as move-in incentives?  What are they thinking?  Have they not heard the ruckus those birds make? 

Christmas is coming up quick here and life has been a little upside down.

Called my mother in a fit yesterday because I had suddenly changed my mind about staying here for Christmas, wanted to go home.  Thought maybe the family could put a better Christmas together for the girls than I'll be able to muster.  But you know what? I've decided, I'd much rather have something real with less luster than do it up with a big red bow but have it all hollow and empty inside.

Home is where your heart is, after all.

What should I get?

So to commemorate my sorta-mid-life-crisis I'm going to get a tattoo.

Where and what? That is the question...

Hair I am.

Hair today, gone tomorrow.

Do you think I'm crazy for letting Andy put green streaks in Vi's hair?  Ya only live once.

Here is what Andy did to me tonight- I'm all nice and coppery now:

and...

After Ave saw Vi and I she was kind of upset over her little blond and red highlights:"You can barely see them!" Heh.

Liz, regretting the past means not living in the moment:

Ulysses, by Alfred, Lord Tennyson

It little profits that an idle king,
By this still hearth, among these barren crags,
Match'd with an aged wife, I mete and dole
Unequal laws unto a savage race,
That hoard, and sleep, and feed, and know not me.

I cannot rest from travel: I will drink
Life to the lees: all times I have enjoyed
Greatly, have suffered greatly, both with those
That loved me, and alone; on shore, and when
Through scudding drifts the rainy Hyades
Vexed the dim sea: I am become a name;
For always roaming with a hungry heart
Much have I seen and known; cities of men
And manners, climates, councils, governments,
Myself not least, but honoured of them all;
And drunk delight of battle with my peers;
Far on the ringing plains of windy Troy.
I am part of all that I have met;
Yet all experience is an arch wherethrough
Gleams that untravelled world, whose margin fades
For ever and for ever when I move.
How dull it is to pause, to make an end,
To rust unburnished, not to shine in use!
As though to breath were life. Life piled on life
Were all too little, and of one to me
Little remains: but every hour is saved
From that eternal silence, something more,
A bringer of new things; and vile it were
For some three suns to store and hoard myself,
And this grey spirit yearning in desire
To follow knowledge like a sinking star,
Beyond the utmost bound of human thought.

This is my son, mine own Telemachus,
To whom I leave the sceptre and the isle —
Well-loved of me, discerning to fulfil
This labour, by slow prudence to make mild
A rugged people, and through soft degrees
Subdue them to the useful and the good.
Most blameless is he, centred in the sphere
Of common duties, decent not to fail
In offices of tenderness, and pay
Meet adoration to my household gods,
When I am gone. He works his work, I mine.

There lies the port; the vessel puffs her sail:
There gloom the dark broad seas. My mariners,
Souls that have toil'd, and wrought, and thought with me —
That ever with a frolic welcome took
The thunder and the sunshine, and opposed
Free hearts, free foreheads — you and I are old;
Old age hath yet his honour and his toil;
Death closes all: but something ere the end,
Some work of noble note, may yet be done,
Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods.
The lights begin to twinkle from the rocks:
The long day wanes: the slow moon climbs: the deep
Moans round with many voices. Come, my friends,
'Tis not too late to seek a newer world.
Push off, and sitting well in order smite
The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die.
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
And see the great Achilles, whom we knew

Tho' much is taken, much abides; and though
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

We are ever in conflict: as much as we love to go away, we love to come home.  The new world and the known world do not share the same space but each have their merits.  It is always easy to look back, and always exciting to look ahead: maybe we should stop and look around. 

making tracks.

My trusty Bogen tripod has been to the ends of the earth and back and even more impressive, to hundreds of weddings.  There is nothing as brutal as a wedding.  I can still recall(to my dismay) the hot, sick smell of the bathroom where drunken bridesmaids were brawling in vomit.  Now there's some good hairpulling times for ya.

Anyhow, bought that tripod at this camera store in Factoria when I still lived in the Seattle area.  I could be very politically incorrect and tell you that the place was run by a family of cute little asian folk(clearly, I'm never going to run for office... oh wait, maybe I am).  Anyhow, Dean and I went in and tromped all over their little store, I bought my tripod and as I was standing at the counter making my purchase a waft of something that smelled distinctly like dog shit passed my nostrils.  I turned and looked around quizzically, looked down and then realized that someone had tracked dog shit all over the store.  Then it slowly dawned on me, hmm, something had smelled a bit shitty on the way over but I hadn't been able to identify it.  Then it hit me: I had tracked huge, size 11 footprints of dog poo all over the blue commercial carpet of the store.  At about that moment, Dean and I made eye contact.  He'd realized what was happening and his eyes widened noticeably(which if you know Dean, well, is quite a feat). (Why do I just know I'm going to be getting hate mail over this one).

So not sure what etiquette or the law requires, probably that I apologize profusely and then come over with a steam cleaner or a roll of new carpet or something.  Instead, I backed out of the store, smiling and waving to the cute, short folk who were quite excited to have sold me the tripod.  We were pulling hurriedly out of the parking lot when we saw them come around the counter and begin gesticulating wildly. 

So, what, you ask, is the moral of the story?  If something doesn't pass the smell test, don't just shrug your shoulders.  Figure out what stinks before you go around mucking everything up.  See, there is good advice to be found just about anywhere if you stretch hard enough.

Friday.

So there is a certain relief to Friday and a certain misery.  Weekdays are full of distractions.  Weekends bring everything into focus.  Last weekend, even aftre the fabulous trip to Chicago, I think we spent the weekend apart.  Each of us took a kid and went our seperate ways.

I have to say, I'm feeling that old, bad feeling of wanting to control everything.  I've been doing laundry like a maniac and the cleaning is next and I'm guessing we'll be seing alot of the Good Will this weekend.  Anyone want some free stuff?  Come on by my house!

I paid the bills this morning.  Brutal.  I was on strike.  I figured if I didn't do it for long enough, Dean would do it.  Au contraire.  Now all we have are a bunch of late charges.  Fantastic.

Joy! Joy! Joy!

My digital camera- my big Nikon D70 which has been missing since the day we started the kitchen remodel and was assumed stolen by a worker- has been found!  Joy!  I can take real pictures again without having to use film! Though, have to admit, was getting back into the film thing... just something about it.  I'mever so glad to have my baby back though. *contented sigh*

My Name is Honey.

Lots of stuff going on in my life as wife.  I'm separating out some of this stuff from the main blog, in part because Dean has asked me not to blog here about it.  As a compromise, I've created a password protected site so I can write while having a little control over who is reading it.  It's really more for me than anything but if you want to be a listening ear and offer comments and support you can e-mail me for the password to "My Name is Honey". The site address is http://bunky.typepad.com/mynameishoney .