Mundane days.

Sometimes when things are going well, I get quiet.  I suppose it is that part of me that doesn't quite have faith that the good will stay.  I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I fear attracting the attention of the fates lest they notice that I am happy and mete out some additional suffering that is my lot.

I suppose I'll chance it, though.  Things have been going well.  To look at our lives, all might seem a bit mundane but I suppose that is where the real test of things come.  It is never surprising when things are going either splendidly(as in, we're going on vacation splendidly) or horribly(someone is on the brink of death or disaster).  We've always oulled ourselves together for the best and worst of things.  It is in the day-to-day living that we begin to drift- when we don't have circumstances to pull us together and force us to meet.  But yes, for now, ever so tenuously, we are doing well and are happy.

It is funny, too, as things started to go better with Dean, I felt a significant pull to make amends with things in other areas of my life.  The result is that I have a huge amount of energy and I begin to see that for so many years, I pulled us along by my sheer will. 

Someone told me that it is funny how when you stop battling your spouse, you stop battling your children.  That is about the most profound aspect of my experience of late, not just envisioning the recovery of my marriage- which is a proces and we're certainly not anywhere close to being there yet, but at least I can imagine getting there which was not so before- but also seeing all of us as a family again, not as individual components or cogs.  The kids sense that something is different and everything is just a bit easier, a bit more palatable, knowing someone has your back, knowing you have someone to share the difficulties and the happy/funny/good times with.

Finally, it strikes me that my happiness and energy of late is saturating everything I touch.  Work is better and easier, classes are a breeze, relationships outside of my immediate family are easier... Life is difficult when home isn't a good place to be.  Everyone needs a home.

As an entirely unrelated aside- just who uses itunes? Is it a bunch of 13-year-olds?  How in the world do they come up with their top songs?  Huh?

Dean is torturing Chocolate.  First, he put a giant stuffed tiger by Chocolate's dish which Choc barked and growled at but wouldn't go near no matter how hungry he was.  Then Dean dressed up the bathroom step-stool with a snarly face and put that by the food.  Of course, he added some string and some motion to make them really scary.  Poor Choc, can't even eat in peace.

Ave is loving her music class. I'm looking for something additional, though. Vi has decided, since her trip to the symphony, she must play the viola.  Funny, huh? Yeah, we'll see.  Ave's going to play the violin and I'm going to learn the cello.  Dean can play the second violin.

We got this fabulous setup(yes, despite the fact it is from Pottery Barn), hopefully it will help with organization although, I'll never be one of those calendar-tending/list-making moms.  Nope, doomed to be late and miss appointments forever.  Oh well.

I just really needed something to fill up the wall as the hallway turns into the kitchen. Heh.   

I have a new plan, too.  I'm going to start work early on Wednesdays or maybe work a little extra the other days, or uh, not... Vi gets out of school early on Wednesdays and I am going to pick her up right wen she gets out and take her out to the ranch and we'll go riding.  It'll be a great chance to get in a ride and a good time for some mom-daughter bonding.  Of course I'll document with photos.

Boo is huge.  Chip is tiny.  I wish they would sit still long enough for me to take a picture.  It is so bizarre they came from the same litter.

Ave and Dean are both singing the music from the Little Mermaid.  Please, save me, someone. 

Comments

[Krystall]

Hi,,

First time commenter,just poking my head in from lurker-ville . Been reading /catching up on your journal the past couple days .
Wonderful writing and I can relate to alot .

It is an amazing feeling to know that you have the power to make something negative or postive :)

[Amy]

Hi Krystall,

Thanks for saying hi... always nice to know people are out there. :)

Amy

[melissa]

Glad to hear things are going well. Great photos. Such beautiful babies, and still adorable. I hope you rescued Choc from the mean food monster. I check your blog a few times a week, at least, I'm glad you're writing, even when things are good. You're a good writer and we actually have a lot in common, even tho' we've never met. Beams, Melissa

[Amy]

Beams back at ya. :) Thanks for checkin' in on us, Melissa- it is always nice to know there are listening eyes out there.

A.