I don't know if it is the fact we are reworking our life insurance or what, but I've been thinking about mortality alot lately(like I don't brood enough as it is). I've been voraciously chewing ice again and exhausted so I'm considering a transfusion finally. I think about what I would want the people I love to know if I just suddenly dropped dead or got hit by a bus or something. I'm going to try and set a goal to get some of whart is in my head down here- you know, on the internet, where it will live forever and I won't ever be able to take it back.
To Dean, this is what I would want him to know:
I know you don't necessarily believe in God but you know it is hard for me not to- and I feel like God, the Universe, BB, whatever brought us together. We've run a marathon of life together and I cannot imagine having made it this far in the race without you. We are so different, but that is one of the top reasons I love US so much. With regards to God, the after life or reincarnation- I cannot imagine a heaven without you and our girls, Phoebe, Missy and all the rest. You are, in so many ways, my little slice of heaven on earth. We've gone through so much and somehow, even when the odds seemed insurrmountable have come back together.
No, we don't have quite the passion or the sex that we had when we were first together but all that has morphed into something deeper and far more valuable. I love how we sit after the kids go to school or when we stay up late and talk philosophy, politics, current events- yes, even the gossip. I love how we stop each other from sending self-destructive e-mails to idiots that we have to deal with. I love that we share music and the occasional book. I love how I dread some of the movies you bring home and then end up loving.
I love how you never bitch about how many Amazon boxes show up on our front porch. I love how you throw candy on the soccer field for the team after we're done coaching them. I love that we are so complimentary even when it is really frustrating. I love how you put up with my guilty pleasures like watching Vampire Diaries.
I love what an exceptional father you are to our kids and what a caring man you are to me. I love how you make me laugh and how playful you are. I even love when you make me watch Annoying Orange. I love the little surprises you bring home to me. I love that you know me so well that you get me weed killer as part of my mother's day present.
I love that we have real love between us- not just something temporary and dressed up on the outside. I love that you have forgiven my mistakes. I love how you make me feel loved even whe no one is looking- especially when no one is looking.
I love you, come hell and high water. I love you on the sunny days, too.
Mostly, I just love you.
Thank you for loving me, too.